Module 12: Power Dynamics, Boundaries, & Assertive Communication
Summary
This module covered important topics such as luring and the grooming process in sexual exploitation, how the youth brain works, and why it is important for a trusted adult to report suspicions and how to do so. It also discussed how exploiters use the needs of youth to groom them for sexual exploitation, how to have a safe space conversation with youth about life online, and some better practices for technology supervision. Additionally, it covered how to teach and encourage youth to have boundaries both online and offline to empower them to think critically. All of these issues were explained with a focus on the characteristics of indigenous communities.
Module 12.1: Grooming, Vulnerabilities and duty to report
The luring and grooming process is used by exploiters to establish a relationship with and manipulate youth. Within this process, exploiters will use their power to target youth, gain their trust, meet their needs, and maintain control throughout the process. Exploiters tend to target youth who are experiencing various environmental, social, and individual vulnerabilities. It is important to note that young people who experience these vulnerabilities are never at fault for being exploited.
Youths under the age of 25 are still developing neurologically. In other words, their brain is still growing. The area of the brain in development is the prefrontal cortex (PFC). The PFC is responsible for focus/attention, impulse control, long-term planning and thinking, recognizing consequences of action and inaction, memory, emotional regulation, and outcome prediction. This means that the youth is not able to see their situation as clearly as an exploiter or a safe adult can. For more information about the youth brain, you can study the article” What you need to know about your teen’s brain.”
This is one of many reasons why it is important for safe adults to exercise their duty to report if they suspect abuse. To learn more about the duty to report please refer to module 9. It is also important to note that a young person may not experience any of the vulnerabilities mentioned and can still be exploited.
Module 12.2: Identified Needs
All people have both tangible (e.g., housing, food, transportation, and clothing) and intangible (e.g., social connection, support) needs that are important to have access to.
For northern and remote communities, fulfilling these needs may be difficult for youth. While Newfoundland and Labrador has 45,931 unoccupied private dwellings, according to the 2021 Canadian Census data, affordable and safe housing is still difficult to access and maintain (Statistics Canada, 2021). Additionally, food service providers in the province have seen a 52% increase in demand for food services, according to Food First’s Community Food Program COVID-19 Survey Results. All this to say that poverty and increased costs of living create unmet needs for youth. These unmet needs create opportunities for exploiters to fulfill the youth’s needs and groom them for sexual exploitation.
How do exploiters use the youth’s needs to groom them for sexual exploitation?
Exploiters see these circumstances as a way to gain access to youth through meeting their needs. Exploiters can reach out to young people, offering a place to stay if the youth needs a break. This can also look like the exploiter offering their home to young people as a place to use alcohol or substances. Exploiters know what vulnerabilities to look for and will use their power and resources, like having a place of their own, to try and meet the needs of youth.
Module 12.3: What is A Surety and what is Their Role?
For young people who may be experiencing incarceration or other interactions with the legal system, in order to be released into the community, they have to have a surety. The surety is in charge of ensuring the young person complies with their probation order and is responsible for reporting the young person if they do not.
For youth without a safe home to return to, an exploiter may agree to be named as their surety if the young person agrees to stay at the exploiter’s home. The exploiter can use this dependency to further manipulate the young person into doing what the exploiter wants.
Module 12.4: Safe Knowledge Exchange
It is important to note that many Indigenous communities value the passing down of knowledge from older adults to youth. For some communities, it may be seen as a sign of respect to provide the older adult or Elder with a gift, such as tea or a listening ear. It may be helpful to set boundaries around gift-giving. Youth should not over-extend their limited resources to show thanks. For example, a $10 limit for gifts may be appropriate. Similarly, small, low-value handmade gifts may be a thoughtful way to say thank you. Importantly, gifts should not be required to spend time with safe adults
Safe adults do not and should not ask young people for anything sexual or exploitative in nature. If you are speaking with someone who asks for this, that should be considered a red flag.
Module 12.5: The Power and Impact of Caregivers
Caregivers have a different type of power. They have the opportunity to connect with their youth and provide education on safe technology use, examples of safe interactions online, and how to communicate boundaries assertively, both on- and offline. Caregivers have a natural avenue to discuss online safety with youth throughout their daily interactions in the home.
With the rapid expansion of technology, some caregivers may find themselves overwhelmed with the many ways youth interact in online spaces (see module 3). This feeling of overwhelm is very normal and valid. It may be one’s first instinct as a caregiver to react with shame or blame if a youth discloses a scary interaction online, but providing a non-judgmental space for the young person shows that you are a safe person. Completing training such as this one can be the first step to learning more about life online.
Module 12.6: Creating a Safer Space for Conversation About Life Online with Young People
Youth may also not know how to navigate online situations that feel uncomfortable or unsafe. It is important to have these conversations with youth. One of the first steps in having these conversations with youth is to let them know that you are a safe person to talk to. Creating an environment for open dialogue can be achieved by:
- Allowing youth to make mistakes and ask questions
- Normalizing the topic of online safety and admitting you don’t know everything
- Being a safe place for youth, avoiding responses of shame or blame
- Asking non-judgmental, open-ended questions
- Reassuring youth that what happened is not their fault
- Informing youth, that they do not have to report if they don’t feel safe
- Ensuring youth know that if an adult has protective information, it must be reported immediately
Module 12.7: Better Practices for Technology Oversight
With the rapid expansion of technology, many youth have been navigating online spaces without many boundaries. This can partly be contributed to the fact that there is a never-ending stream of new apps and websites that are constantly changing. It may feel difficult to start talking about boundaries and accountability online when a young person has been using their device for years, but it can be approached as a collaborative process for the young person to engage in. One of the good solutions is providing a family media plan. Create a family technology/media plan. Steps might include:
- Talk about what content is appropriate to follow, social media, and safety rules for who and how they can chat online, and Share your online experiences and questions openly and comfortably.
- Agreeing on a healthy amount of technology to be used.
- Check the security guide for new social media or new games.
- Agree on when and where technology is free to use (e.g., no technology during meals or bedtime).
- You can find a good sample family media plan at healthychildren.org and a sample safety contract for your child here or on safewise.com.
Module 12.8: Boundaries and Assertive Communication
It is important for caregivers to both teach and model effective boundaries with life online.
Online boundaries may include:
- Respecting youths’ wishes about not posting their personal photos.
- Only accepting known and wanted connections online.
- Regularly cleaning out friends/followers lists and ensuring they follow positive accounts.
- Discussing the permanence of online content.
- Thinking critically about online posts, for both caregivers and youth.
- Deleting and blocking uncomfortable connections.
Teaching and encouraging youth to have boundaries both on- and offline is to help empower them to think critically. Boundaries can be reinforced with assertive communication.
For folks in smaller communities, there is a real possibility that youth will encounter their online exploiter while they are out in their neighbourhood. Caregivers can provide support by teaching youth skills and tools to draw on if they feel they are in an unsafe situation.
For the youth, this could look like:
- Making a plan: who can they call/message, a code word/emoji to use if they feel unsafe, and a safe house they can visit.
- Naming peers, they feel safe being in a community with, using a buddy system.
- Letting young people know they can make a “scene” if someone is making them uncomfortable.
- They can do whatever it is they need to do to help them feel safe. Leave, be assertive, and be aggressive.
For the caregiver, this could look like:
- Staying true to your word – if you tell a young person you’ll be ready to come get them if they send the code word, you have to be able to commit to that.
- Communicating with older safe adults to establish a safety network the young person can rely on.
- Modeling behaviour for young people: speaking up when something is wrong, letting other adults know their behaviour is inappropriate, and looking out for other young people in the community.
- Listening to the young person – if they say they feel unsafe, believe them.
A Note on Reporting
In Canada, every person under the age of 18, has a legal obligation to immediately report suspected abuse and neglect of children under the age of 16. This is called the duty to report law. Asking youth if they would prefer you to speak to the police or child protection is important. While adults are required to report, youth are not. It is important to hold space for the youth to decide if they would like to report their experiences to the police. Adults should not encourage youth one way or the other. Instead, adults should aim to provide the youth with the facts of the situation and provide unbiased guidance through the choice-making process.